Partnership is built on mutual trust and respect. Not hierarchy.

I will be the first to admit, I am pretty type A. I used to lose sleep over students that didn’t take my advice. If I told a student that a horse was a bad fit, or that they really needed to spend more time on the fundamentals before they pushed ahead to more challenging maneuvers and they didn’t take my advice I would toss and turn all night worried that they would get hurt, teach their horse bad habits, or end up feeling defeated. This would sometimes turn into moments I am less than proud of, when I would call them out, or tell them if they didn’t take my advice that we would not be able to work together anymore. I grew up in a barn culture where the trainer was god, and anything she said was the final word. But this isn’t the method I use with my horses, so why did I think it would work with my students?

In my decade of working with horses, something I have learned about humans is that real leadership is quiet.

One night when I was laying awake, thinking about a student that was on a bad path, I had a realization. It wasn’t my job to teach her, or to make her get on the right path. The horses would show her everything she needed to know, and it was simply my job to keep her safe and lead by example while she learned those lessons. 

Whether you are working with a spicy horse or a challenging family member, the message is the same. The more we try to force, the more resistance we are met with. When we ease into our leadership role, quietly embodying what it is that we want others to emulate, we are more impactful. Here are a few ways you can do that. 

1. Remember your relationship bank account, give more than you take

If you imagine your relationship with your horse (or anyone) as a bank account, every time you build a stronger bond or connection you add to the balance. When you need to ask for a favor or trust, you make a withdrawal. Make sure your bank account is healthy by always giving more than you take.

2. Watch to understand

So often we watch or listen with the intent of responding. Instead, make your goal a deep level of understanding. It feels better to be seen.

3. Stay present

When we stay present with our horses we give them more of us and we open up opportunities for them give more to us in return. Learn how to be present with your horse, and this will translate into the rest of your relationships in your life.

I am super excited about this Freeze to Flow workshop I am sharing through the holidays. We’re going to be practicing tools to help you stay grounded and present through the holiday stress, and find more enjoyment with your horse. It’s a great gift to give yourself and your horse in this season of chaos. If you’re interested, check out the link below, hopefully I’ll see you over there! Until then, make sure to hug your horse for me!